Excellent poem here, the first stanza really blew my mind, you have a talent, use it with good intentions. Timothy r

I really enjoyed this piece, you have some great imagery and emotion, it could flow a little better in spots, but all in all you did a really good job.

"I gave up a promising paradise
Choosing to walk on these thorns,
I feel the sensation of hurt and pain
Deeply piercing my flesh and soul

I risk heaven for an eternal hell
Burying my dreams in the valley of the dead"

JUst a few suggestions, I hope it helps :)

I can certainly see the emotion you have put into it and how it is from a personal experience. i love how the poem began, the first stanza is excellent. the only thing i had trouble following is the forth stanza. i think it needs a bit more work. The grammer and syntax is slightly wrong but after that is fixed then a spectacular poem. xoxo

At first i was a bit leery with the committing a suicide part but then with your vivid imagery you caught me up and didn't let go, good job.

your servant:
atticus

Excellent!

Parekoy! ang lupet mo tlga saludo ako seo,

For this one, uhm well i don't really read much on love poems, but base on it. I can see much effort and emotions put on it, very strong ideas and message on every words! so very powerful piece to say!

Keep on rocking!

Wow what an intense write, i loved the true sadness and grief in it .
Great expressed emotions and the ending line is soo wonderful.

5/5

xo angelique

You started off with such strong words and didn't lose it not even a bit torwards end. It kept me interested. Imagery was amazing and very powerful write. And ending also, so pure and sweet.
5/5 Keep up, really enjoyed reading this piece.

Outstanding. coming along nicely, first line threw me, but you wrapped it up in a pretty little basket with a gorgeous lavendar bow, and i mean that it a really good way, keep it up, and you'll be fine...great job....

Wonderful write here. Loved the expression and your vocabulary was extreamly beautiful loved every bit of it
5/5 kaila

I really liked this a lot. The language was powerful, yet the poem was still very understandable. When I started to read, I was a like "Hmm" about it, because I'm not too into the whole cliched suicide poem. This was different, though. And I enjoyed the read.

I really enjoyed this poem. You had my full attention the whole way through with your vivid imagery. I thought this was quite dark to begin with, but I see how it is a love poem. You used your words very well within this, with a good flow as well. Excellent poem. 5/5

Tammie

I really enjoyed this poem you write with such feeling that make people believe your words and see the pictures in there heads for what they are acctually worth great job

Ok, I read this in the discussion form in the club and it was truely amazing. such a beautifully sad read. I've enjoyed reading both your pieces today I feel as though you've improved so much from your earlier works. A great poem with a nice flow. Well done. ~mel

I enjoyed in this one, you created incredible atmosphere in it, and it is totally unique. It isn't typical love poem which is excellent, it is really refreshing. You mixed good imagery with superbly expressed emotions and that makes this piece really fantastic. Well done!

Wow.

I love this. You use some very powerful language and the imagery is extremely commanding. I really like the way this reaches out to the reader as well
well done
DnB

Wow, this was definately my fav poem. I love the emotion I got from this. You have great talent! Great job!

<mOnStRiTo'S pRiNcEsS>