I am full of so many emotions right now
Pain
Because I felt my heart break again last night
When we decided to end this.
Anger
At God for letting me find my true love again
Only to rip him back out of my live as quickly as he came in.
At you for being such a sweet loving man.
At myself for letting you back in.
Confusion
Because you are my one true love and yet my reality belongs to another
How can that be?
How can I love two people so completely at the same time? Does that make me a bad person?
Love
Because of the love I feel for you and because I know that deep down inside you love me too.
Hunger
Because of my hunger and want for you.
Longing
Because I long to yours completely
Anguish
Because I cannot be with you
Hatred
At myself for falling so deep in love with you again.
At you for being who you are and making me feel so beautiful and
Creating our place where I fear I will no longer be welcome.
Jealous
Because someone else has you, my love.
Lost
Because I found myself getting lost up in you and our place
Happy
Because I found my one true love again after so many years
Animosity and Resentment
Towards my husband who is an innocent player in this game
Because he came in and took the place by my side where you should be.
At myself for letting myself fall so in love with you again.
Sad
Because I cannot have you completely
Infected
My mind, body and soul are infected with thoughts of you constantly
You are like a disease that cannot be cured.
Insane
I feel like I will go insane without you in my life and yet I cannot have you.
So, I will sit alone in my own world and go slowly insane.
I hope that we can at least stay friends always, even through my pain.
I cannot help but cry whenever I think about you and Our Place because I fear I will never hear your sweet voice again and will not be welcomed back into that wonderful, beautiful, peaceful place that YOU created for US.
I hope that I can eventually overcome all these emotions because if I can't..
I will be lost forever.
