This is really great. I've wrote a few haiku and tanka, but haven't really tried any of the other Eastern forms (I'll have to brush up on them-it's been a while!). Not sure if it's proper, but I like the fact you rhymed this-it works very well. For such a short piece this really says a lot. It definitely has a deepness and beauty to it. Great piece!

Peace, Poetry & Power,

Gary Jurechka