Honestly, the repetition of some words in this piece ruined the impression for me. For example, in the first stanza, repetition of the word "man" in the second and the fourth line.
All in all, this is not my favorite one of yours. I like the rhythm of it, but I don't see many emotions behind your words. I don't want to offend you, this is just my opinion.
This stanza stands out and it is absolutely perfect:

-Darling, walk with me through heaven's land.
meet me at that Golden Gate.
I won't say that I love you (right now).
But, I see within our hearts - it's fate.
(Though it's hard to see through fog.)-