I like this poem more than your love poem. One reason because it had more of a story into it and was more exciting to read. I found some things that sounded funny, but I'm not the greatest with grammar so I'll just point them out how I think you can change them.

Knife too dull
Can't cut through
"Couldn't cut through"
Tried and tried
It's no use
"It was no use"

In the beginning of the poem it seems to sound like its happening right now, but when you read on it sounds past tense.

All I ask from you
"All I asked from you"
Was a little love
Attention I craved for
Love I'd die for
"Love I'd died for"
Once again "ask" and "die" is presence tense and the letter is in past tense.

But I tried mines too
"But I tired mine too"
Mine doesn't need a 's'

Far yet new
"Far, yet new"

Hope some of that helps. Maybe you know how to fix it better than me :P It always seems better to have someone else read over your writing, because they catch things you didn't see. As in my poem >.< Thanks for your help in the comment on my poem. 5/5 Love this poem the most. Keep up the good work =)

Aw. This is an extremely emotional piece. I liked the short lines, but the flow was off a lot, in my opinion. It could just be me. Your word choice was a bit too simple for my liking, but it worked. This is not a bad piece of poetry at all, but it definitely could use some work. I'd say take another look at it, and see what else you could do with it.

4/5

Briana