Disgusting...
The venomous and shame ridden word of mother.
Upon those lips I wished a kiss,
To wish my dirt away
Comfort,
Console,
Love...
I am too ugly now to be embraced,
In fear she may catch my disease,
And be infected like myself
A poison deep inside me,
A liquid forced into my body,
Its there forever now,
Mother can't bear to look at her.
Forgive me...
I beg
I plea
Desperate wishes for you,
To denounce the shame I have inflicted
I had always thought,
A mother's love be unconditional,
But there be conditions when events take place,
I didn't mean for them to happen,
Please why won't she believe me.
She denies her knowledge,
Yet lets me rot in misery,
Denying me something that could cure,
Make the frightful nights fade away,
What do I have to do,
Who do I have to kill,
To make mother believe in me.
Disgusting
Like dirt on the floor
Like rotting black bags of sin,
An empty corpse,
A hollow shell filled up with poison,
The plunge of spear,
Torn and left with broken seams,
Disgusting
Is the word she would use.
Outside she looked away from me,
And muttered...
Mutter turn to screams,
Her tears were not of kindness,
But burned my heart
No comfort
No embrace
Shield me in warmth
The worlds a horrid place
Cold
And silence after the storm,
Journey home so painful
The guilt overwhelming
The shame brooded within,
I could smell it
Cold silent stare
Hard unloving words
I cannot be.
Please tell me
You believe me
Never would I lie
About love I kept a secret
For long uncounted hours
What I took
Was never aimed at my mother...
I tried to keep this secret.
So she wouldn't have to know,
The marks I hide
And the tears were dried,
Just before you entered.
But it doesn't seem to matter,
How much I try to love the mirror,
The dirt is still there,
I know
For sure
Mother can't bear to touch me.
Cold, long years,
What to replace the grief
And the embrace I long for
The whispers so kind
My future with you,
everything will be OK my daughter,
I've got you, no more tears
What do I desire so much
That she does not see me fit,
To receive it
Have I truly destroyed what was my family,
By filthy misdeeds
I never intended,
Please believe that.
In all the years of lonely ache,
I see each other mother give,
A hug, please mother,
I want to know I am real.
Pause...stop involving others
I don't recall wanting to know.
