The Journey of the Lost

by Idiosyncratic   Oct 19, 2007


On a rock by the ocean
A maiden unfair
Seems quite the burden
To the whispering air

It struggles to drown her
Her voice and her soul
And, likened to whistles,
Shrieks for control

The sky wishes to cover
It's ghastly mistake
To glorify and honor
And make her heart ache

Her struggle unknown
Her lungs struggle for breath
While the air she takes in
Hopes for her death

The shoreline rises
Waves crashing in
Reach for the maiden
To release her of sin

A storm is awakened
A bolt enters her heart
Bloody from freedom
Her journey now starts

The desert, rocky valleys
Plains and mountain tops
Through fresh flower fields
And old rotting crops

Her body is carried
By none but her own
Slowly retracing
A path to her home

Arriving in a village
She is set for sacrifice
The air is not a coffin
But it hopes to suffice

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Hurtingsoul

    Excellent poem one thing though you used struggle a bit much find a synonym other than that this has been one of those poems that are timeless kool
    Take Care
    xHSx

  • 17 years ago

    by Pete

    This is a wonderful dark poem, great imagery used throughout. I think what i like most about this piece is the short lines used in each stanza. Really enhances the rhythm of the poem.
    My only bit of concern was this line..
    "The desert, rocky valleys"
    I personally think the 2 middle words should be swapped around...
    "The rocky desert valleys"
    It sounds better in my head. Just a personal thing, maybe.

    Overall very nice job on this poem.
    [5/5]
    ~Pete.

  • 17 years ago

    by Karl Wild GG23

    I enjoyed this poem very much, I thought the word choice and the imagery were fantastic, the flow was also great. The poem is very deep and I'm glad I took the time to read it - Excellent job 5/5 GG23

  • 17 years ago

    by Shinobi

    Wow, didn't see such a good expressed poem. The story is well written and rhymed. The structure is great. A definite 5/5

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