To Pass The Line...

by Hurtingsoul   Oct 19, 2007


Hes looking at me with eyes full of lust
God I cant resist, but I'm trying, I must
There it is again the feeling that lingers
Infatuation surrounding the air tickling me at the tip of my fingers

I hate it when he makes me feel that way
And of all the days in the year it had to be Valentines Day
Can this get anymore cliche, its just driving me insane
And with him I just get lost in this game

Oh no, his hand is entwining with mine
I think I just might pass the line
Were so close, hes just centimeters away from my lips
Somehow my hold on his hand accidentally slips

I don't know how but it finds its way to his hair
Ruffling it up and he still doesn't kiss me, No fair!
I hate the way he teases me, it drives me crazy
its new to him because I know he never did this to Tracy

Uh oh, now his eyes look straight at me
He tries to tear down the walls of my heart, breaking me free
Well apparently its working, he reads my soul like a book
And this is when I realize my love, my heart, he took

Right now if theres any line between us, were on its edge
Bracing ourselves on the delicate ledge
I want to kiss him, to just collide
But does he want to fall with me, to give me the feelings inside?

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Teria

    Very well written. The beginning caught my attention. Though I thought the last two lines could have been made into a whole other stanza. It was like a 2in1 deal, which isn't too bad. But, if you're really not too set on the whole 4 lined stanza deal with this poem then you could mess it up a little and make it go a little better. I do think that it's a good beginning, just the thought of it being two stanzas makes it better. You have decent vocabulary through-out. But, things like Hes =He's stuck out to me. I think those should be fixed, you might want to recheck it and fix them as well. Good emotion. The whole "valentines day" kind of confused me, but when you went on to say how it was so cliche it clicked and I got it. Good thing that's in there, eh. Lol. I wouldn't make any serious changes to the poem I think it's well put together. Maybe just go through and fix the whole He's and She's kinda thing.

  • 16 years ago

    by Finalgravedigger

    Love is such a complicated and twisted thing, nice work.i like the passion of the last half of your poem

  • 17 years ago

    by Shinobi

    Wow, really liked this poem. The metaphors, rhyming and structure are just perfect. No bad comments, definitely one of my favs 5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Good flow, good wording and a feeling of puppy love comes over me...
    Well done!

    take care,

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 17 years ago

    by crystaljean88

    This poem to me was a bit confusing. but overall it was a very good write. the flow was great and words were to

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