The razor, placed firmly in my delicate hand. I'm ready to make to move, to end my life.. "It'll all be over before you know it, and everyone will be so much better off" I say to myself silently. I place the towel on my leg so the blood doesn't get every where. I hold the razor tightly against my longing wrist. The blood already starts even before I slide it against my skin. I know this time I'll die. I want to so badly. I push it down even harder, it's amazing how I don't feel a thing. I count to three, and then slit. The blood pours out of my arm. I have the drain in my bath tub shut. The blood in a thin layer fills the surroundings of the tub. It's glistening, I see my reflection. The mascara is still on my face from before, tears are coming down my cheeks. I don't know why. I love this, all of this blood. It's satisfying. I have the phone next to me. I dial his number, he asks me what's wrong. I tell him, he breaks down. My voice is fading. Even I can tell I'm growing weak. I feel the pain, the world falls back into place. I say I love you, and then hang up. I realized taht I'm screaming, and histerically crying. I try to shut myself up, but not before my mom walks in the room. She gasps, and grabs the phone, dials a vaguely familiar number, as I drift away. I hear her voice, all the way to the hospital. She is crying, but I know that I'm only half alive. I grasp my vocal cords, and mutter a hoarse, "I'm sorry, and I love you so much.. please forgive me." I hear the doctor, "she may or may not make it, if she pushes herself she will live, if not, she will die." I don't see anyone, or anything, everything is black. I beg God, for forgiveness. "Please God I beg of you, let me go to heaven. I'm sorry, please have mercy on me, I want to be with you." My head falls back, I will not live. I die. I see myself laying in the hospital bed, the doctor attempting to comfort my horrified parents. My mother is crying, along with my father. My sisters all standing there in disbelief. I look down upon my coffin, I see everyone dressed in black. Weeping classmates, people I thought would never have cared. Everyone standing there, crying and sad. The guy I love, can't hold himself back, he cries, and screams all alone in his room. He grabs a piece of paper. I vaguely can read. It says, goodbye my friends, I no longer have a reason for living, when 3/4 of my life, has gone. Please forgive me for doing this, I just can't take the pain. He took the gun, placed it gentally on his temple, slightly pulled the trigger, then he was dead. He wished for god, when he heard the click from the gun. We are now in heaven, together, forever. I would much rather be down there on earth, with all my friends, and him. I wish I could go back, and take back everything I did. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe I was meant to die, maybe he wouldn't have gotten to heaven without me. I'll never know, after all I'm already dead.
