Finally found a place that I might be able to belong
The place I've searched for, much longer than you'll ever know
Yes I want you and yes I think we'd be okay
But I can't jeopardize all I have, and risk my life turning into a mess
So far looking for this place many things have happened
I've been abused, I've been raped, I've been huurt
I've tried to live, I've tried to die,
I've lost my footing and fallen from the sky
Another suicide attempt would be my last
I refuse to keep picking myself up
This is my very last chance
If you ask me to change my decision
That I would do for you if you asked
But if you do, if I change, you'll never have me
You'll have the girl I learned to be
The girl that knows how to cope
But won't let you in her heart
She'll kiss you and smile for you
But only because you want her too
She still won't know who she is
So she'll only be what you tell her too
She won't know if she loves you
Or if she only loves how you treat her
She's scared and untrusting, and doesn't like the risk
She wants a little time and some of her own domain
Just at the start so she knows if it's a mistake
Too many mistakes down a long winding road
Too much heartache to dare try and mend
If only you could understand, what she tries to say
It's never been a question of wanting you around
She's always known the answer to that question
It's more a question of throwing in all she's worked her life to receive
To possibly make another mistake
That she will never recover from
If she were finally to get everything she worked for
Only to throw it away on a decision made to quick
She'd never recover from a choice that ruined her life
She'd wallow in regret and mistakes
And soon just learn to fade away.
Hey babe I didn't know what to tell you and I still don't know what to say, I do want you around but I don't know if I love you or how you treat me and I cant move in with you when I'm trying to work my self out. I need a bit of time. If you want to come down, then please do. But I really need to learn how to stand on my own before I learn to lean on someone else again. And just because I don't live with you doesn't mean I can't be around a lot. I just need to have my own place to run too that's just mine. And if I'm ever going to follow my goals I need to use the opportunity I have otherwise I'm going to need to forget about them and try something more realistic. So although this isn't about me and it's all about you it's going to affect everything I'm working for and everything I have.
Still love you though xo
