"Causing you to cough choke"

something could be done there....seems a little corny =S if u no what i mean

second paragraph could be structured a little better

the last paragraph i think it smartly written, the way that you have managed to keep the flow and the sense bit and u also added long/ complicated words which was quite good.

But just putting forward a question...

It seems so untidy i mean, your tittle says lies of smoke and...its like.....goes off track and backon and stuff....idk i mean maybe it is suppose to be left for interpretation or something....idk im confused....all i no is that...you dont want ur reader to be confused? unless u tell them that it might be confusing? 0_0