Brother. why me?

Everyone aways says how NICE their brothers are,
It reminds me of how you hit me with that bar.
Everyone says its not that bad,
It reminds me of when i tried to tell dad.

Even your friends worry about me,
Especially when you get angry.
You beat me and bash me,
All the time you smashed me.

All i get is a *toughen up kid*
or the typical *oh you'll live*
But they don't know how bad it gets,
all the scars I can't forget.

The harsh words you say,
just don't seem to go away.
All things you said,
making me wish I was dead.

I got so scared when they gave you a gun,
I knew it was not going to be fun.
I was hoping mum would give it the boot,
Knowing I was the first thing you would shoot.

You say a little childhood trauma adds to character,
But i don't know if I can carry this secret much further.
Running away as fast as I can,
Knowing no one will give me a helping hand.