Knife Knife (part one)

Sitting on the coffee table
a few meters away from me
glistening in the light of the sun
shining through the netted curtains

I'm huddled in the corner
shivering from the cold
what looks like white smoke in front of me
from every breathe
from every breathe
and every time i close my eyes
they freeze together it feels
and for a short few seconds
the reality is nothing

yet again, the disappointment
as ice melts to water
my eyes open,and i find myself
in the same place as i was before
and with the same thoughts
floating around in my head
and the same haunting shadow
lying across the gray tile floor
heading straight toward its core
make the urge harder to resist...

Stare right at this blade
its staring right back at me
like its speaking to my mind
â??come on, come here and use use me
you know its what you want
you know its what you desire
you know i take you higherâ??

I know there is no sanity
left in myself, my life
i know that the needed strength
will forever never exist
and the fear of vanquishing pain
is frightening to me
its stuck clear in my mind like glue
and it won't go away until....

I straighten out my body
my eyes again are iced
my mind is in another world
yet i know what i am doing
im one hundred percent aware
my arm reaching out...
my hand settles there...
i clench my fingers tight around
this cute murdering drug
embrace this addiction of passion and pain
the time has come for me, again...