And it doesn't really matter.

Look what i did mom, look what i did to my hands,
i broke them.
you gave me the stone, gave me the chisel,
didn't say how to hold them.

i saw a psychiatrist today. he was very detached and indifferent, everything a text-book counselor should be. when i met him, he shook my hand with practically no grip.

of course, i was a sarcastic a**-hole, and he enjoyed every last f**king second of it. i have to give him credit, aside from the whole faith thing, he seemed like a very nice man. when i left, he shook my hand with all his might.

i made him uncomfortable.

other than that update, all that's been floating through my head lately is confusion.

someone told me i was pushing my friends away. the only people that haven't enumerated a ridiculous amount of indifferent techniques to ignoring me don't know me very well anyways.