A Silent Scream

Outside you see me smiling,
And floating through each day,
A little tired, a little thin,
But overall, okay.

But you don't hear my anguished thoughts,
Which surface every night.
They plague me, haunt me, torment me,
'Til I'm too weak to fight.

And so, next day, I come to school,
With deeply shadowed eyes,
I smile, laugh, and speak on cue,
Living a pack of lies.

A silent scream echoes inside,
Reaction to my lie,
'Til with no warning, it erupts,
And I crumble down and cry.

"Come find me, help me, make it stop"-
"No! Keep out, go away!"
For if you come, I have no control
Over the words you say.

Can't you hear my silent scream,
Decipher what I hide?
So come and ask me what is wrong,
Come sit down by my side.

If nothing else, then please read through,
This tangled web I weave.
For you are really not the one
I'm trying to decieve.

Help me- I don't know what I want.
I've lost my guiding light.
Please hold me, let me cry and say
Somehow you'll make it right.

Perhaps, deep down, I know what's wrong.
What keeps me up awake,
What is the source of all my tears,
And ever there heartache.

But not yet can I face him,
Or maybe I just won't.
Please, someone, help me understand,-
God only knows I don't.