Loveless

Really good I reallly love your writing!

With my last breath I shall fall
With this blade I shall leave my mark
To let these lines become scars
Upon this void of what was my heart
[love this stanza i like leaving your mark to become scars...real deep]
This world to me
Is just an ocean - I'm lost at sea
These waves are crashing in
and I'm drowning - in what I use to be
[amazing metaphor makes a clear image]
Here I am - nothing but alone,
Here bitter words shall leave my lips.
Here I am happier - than you'll have ever known,
Here I won't need - of that foul thing you call a kiss.
[a little forced with the alone and known rhyme doesn't flow g8 but i still liked it]
good writing skills!

I like the last two sections of the poem the best.... Because it's like you clawed your way to the top, only to get trampled on when you get there. Then you decide that it's too much for you to handle and you are never going to love again. I also liked how you said ghost becaise ghosts are dead. So now all that are left are empty memories.

Wow, it's very great too. I love your wordage and emotion. What else can I say. I'm speechless. You're very talented!!! 5/5!!!

This poem is very good! [5/5]
thanks for commenting mine :)

Wow. this was very good. its amazing. i really liked it, keep up the good work. thanks for the comments.