A Masterpiece

by khobo   Nov 3, 2007


The lines I draw say more than words I say
The eyes speak the truth and are revealing
The arcs I make define if she's okay
Though her face expressions are deceiving.
I decide if her stance is powerful
I decide the outfit she displays
I decide whether her hair's light or bold
Ev'ry li'l detail has something to say.
The thin hangs on to thick across the page
Powerful, like lightning, with just one stroke
She's my creation and I choose her fate
All strength is lost when the pencil is broke.
But looking down, it's just a bunch of marks
And yet, it's worthy of others' remarks.

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by AngelicDecadence

    I liked the theme on this, and the way you portrayed it was amazing, there are just a few things i'd like to point out.

    First off:
    "The arcs I make defines if she's okay
    Though her face expressions are deceiving."
    These two lines have a few grammar mistakes, for instance, on the first line, "defines" should be "define". and on the second, "face" should be "facial".

    Now, moving on to the rhyme scheme, it was good. But i have a large problem (and i see this a lot in others) where you will have a word that rhymes, but you'll make it plural.. it doesn't rhyme after that! so, what i would do if i were you, is, on this line, "I decide the outfit she displays" since "displays" is supposed to rhyme with "say", you should change how the line is worded, heres an example, "I decide the outfit she'll display". Then "display" and "say" rhyme again. :]
    Great job though,
    5/5 still.

  • 16 years ago

    by vintage darling

    This poem has a different theme
    which is why i really liked it.

    i like the artistic inspiration.

    wonderful.

    you are an amazing writer.

  • 16 years ago

    by Krista

    To the point, loved it. loved the imagery and how you conveyed the topic.
    5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Sweet lig

    Its was simply short but direct to the point. the message has a great expression and great imagery, those thoughts and words was really well express 5/5 keep it up

  • 16 years ago

    by cowgirlstar26

    Brings me back to art class in jr high :). I would set the stanzas apart though to make it easier to read even tho it's a shorter poem :) I really like it tho