Hey it was good but there r a few misstakes and i think u should fix them but yer u should also try to make it about the readers so yer i think when u change it it will be a great one but from now its a 4/5 from me

This is great. I love it, keep writing the good stuff!!!

I like the fact that it's mostly a story put into a poetic style of writing... But it also leaves the reader a little confused as to who all these ppl are... And like Adrian said, there are some grammar fixes that could be made, but it didn't effect my 4/5
good work