I want a real life

Lies covered by smiles
Fake hope that goes on for miles
Love shared to cover up me
I really wish it was true and meant to be

Handling others problems to avoid mine
Being on the verge to overlook crime
To just quit on trying to be okay
To go on life a different way

To show my friends who I really am
To get rid of the unwanted spam
That lurks in my mind unwillingly
And to make myself once again me

I miss being happy
Now I just feel crappy
I want a real life
Not one that is controlled by strife

Can anything be done?
Will I be another one?
To take the life of my own?
Or does love have a loan?