To truly live and learn properly, we must first make mistakes. some small, some big enough to consume the universe. i am not stupid, however i am quick to do stupid things. knowing what must be done to ensure a stable mindset. as pathetic as i could ever be, i am digging a very deep hole. no need for shovels, earth movers will do the job a lot faster. i kick, scream, chant, cut, bleed. where are you my dark leader? i feel like i am failing the very one that i devoted my soul too. please come to me. shame me if you must. i am creating a horrible mess. i know this. when you dismiss my request for your guidance, it only means one thing...i gotta pay my dues. how much blood must be shed. love is weakness. i know this. devotion to the dark leader is all i need to be a strong intelligent being. i cannot lie to you. these feelings i have for another are overwhelming. they must stop. my insides are as black as my thoughts. but this "love thing" is a very strong feeling. i am lost like a child. how could i allow myself to fall in love? sickened by these thoughts of another's feelings. how can i allow myself to care so deeply for another? i am a shame to you, and to myself. my chest aches, hunched over on the floor all i can do it cut deeper. you have brought me through all the torment and confusion. i don't feel your presence. have i done so wrong by loving another that now you will twist my brain with weakness and confusion? for all i know i must do for you. i will make right to keep you as my savior. hail you, the dark one...my father, my brother, my guide. the blood will flow like it never has.
