Poof

I should not be putting this on my blog, it's really intended to be put on paper, safely tucked away in my journal. but whatever, i ride a rice-burner, speak my mind, and do as i please. so no shame here! right? how can it be that for almost 3 years i regret all the days before this day, and the day before that day, and so on. poof, things change. one day i am completely in awe, absolutely intrigued by a man that i will never see again. i beg the cosmos to bring him too me, but wishful thinking. a few days pass. i encounter another man. but this time i am in no way impressed, intrigued, attracted, or interested in him. just floored with fascination! if the eyes are the windows to the soul, then this man has depth. so much, i know he could never fathom this reality. so...poof! he is gone, i don't care. however the wicked similarities have left a burden of questions in my mind. when a soul passes from this earth they find another almost identical to them in so many ways, and they live on, looking through this persons eyes. i think it's a beautiful thing, and it's what i believe. eyes are windows right? one can see through a window from either side. too the point. i am absolutely positive that when i looked into this persons eyes, he wasn't looking at me...but my lost love was. i will never hate this person. just giving me the opportunity to look long and deep into their eyes filled me with joy. thank you. the tears streaming down my cheek are tears of happiness..POOF! i can feel again