WEAR & TEAR

All the years i never even cared about my body. well yes i am consumed by the outward appearance, but as for my insides, i truly believed that if i just ignored all the issues, they would just go away. well now things are a bit different. my liver & i are having a battle. i want to do as i chose, when i want, how i want, whenever i want. i run myself into the ground. so much time it takes to fall asleep, horrible nightmares, feeling so ill. then i wake, with just a few hours of unstable sleep, and filling my bedroom trashcan with vomit. i just feel so tired, but my sleep is not a dear friend. i take what i can get, and put on a fake smile for all to see. truth is, i am drained. feeling like i just want to be alone, and sit in bed with my dog. all the injections i endure on a daily just don't seem to mask the pain. alone in my room, i am hunched over in a corner. pain runs through my body, my bones, my joints, migraines, and more vomit filled trashcans. if the outside world really knew how physically weak i was, they may perceive my affliction as too powerful for me to handle. i know that i have exhausted my liver to the very point where each day is a struggle. so, here starts a new day. trashcan is full, swollen hands and face. i will put on my false smile, laugh, chat, and tell all that "i feel wonderful" not quite sure whats worse, lying to myself and others, or losing my battle!!!!!!!!