Pushing Me

I've spent this journey
forgetting my past,
What I've left behind
Keeps returning in flashes.

Every time I think of you
A sudden strike of confusion
Makes its way to my heart:
Got me deep in illusion.

I think of the times
We were both deep in love.
A gaping scar beats
As you're thought of.

I cannot explain
Why I'm the one that's hurt.
Especially since it was me
Who broke you first.

To hear words of "hate"
That you'd conspire to "kill",
Goes against what you say,
That you "love me still".

Why lie? What's the point?
Why can't you just be straight
To the point and get it over with,
Explain the hurt you demonstrate.

We're just going in circles
And it benefits us none.
Why do you say you hate me
If you claim light of love?

I'm tired of the lies
Tell me what you feel inside.
Instead of holding back
I want to put grudges aside.

What can we do now
That we haven't done before?
Can we even be together
Much less a friend anymore?

I'm restless every night,
With an unchanging frown
I'm at the edge of my mind,
I don't need you to push me down.