So Close, Yet So Far Away

I sat behind him yesterday,
My words were ready on my tongue,
An entire conversation planned out in my mind.

But then I remembered.
I remembered that we no longer talk,
Joke,
Share our secrets.

I saw you sitting there in front of me,
And thought of a comment to your shirt.

But then I remembered that you no longer talk to me,
Look at me,
Think of me.

I held back the thread of words bursting from my mouth
I hesitated,
I looked away.

We once were close,
Best friends before,
But because of you,
That's no more.

You'd call me up,
Just to say hello,
You'd email me,
Just to ask how everything was going.

When we were together,
Neither one of us could shut up.
Our excited words,
Would flow from our mouths,
The sound like a motor,
Never-ending.

You once were excited to see me,
You'd ask me,
Beg me,
Plead to me,
To invite you over.

Now it's gone.

I think back and wonder,
If it was something I did.
We were together all the time,
And then we weren't.

One day I walked up to you,
An enormous smile on my face,
Happy to see you again.
And for the first time,
You looked away,
Ignored me,
Didn't care.

And I knew then,
That the close friendship,
Was gone.

I looked at your back seated in front of me,
And the pain ricocheted trough my heart.
I had loved you,
Still love you,
But it was only ever as a friend.

When I went home that day,
I read through your emails,
And the messages that I had saved.

Your quirky, nerdy words made me smile,
Then frown.
It has been a month since we had a real conversation,
But your old emails had contained epic novels.

I don't know anything about you now.
You are completely different.
Where did you go for the holiday?
What do you do?
How was your weekend?
All these things I used to know,
And more,
Are lost now.
Ever since that fateful day,
When you turned away.

I sat behind him yesterday,
His body was three feet away.
But he himself,
My friend,
Was as distant to me,
As the icy craters of Pluto,
From the fiery inferno of the sun.