The door opened and she went in,
She picked up my clothes
Moved around my room
Talked and talked
Opened the window and pulled my blanket.
Then she said, its already 11:30 got no plans of waking up?
"I have!"I wanted to yell.
But curse manners, it forbid yelling to elders.
She talked again, "You'll never go anywhere with this habit."
I covered my ears, but her voice kept coming
Her voice that felt like a poison to me.
Her words that have never ever tried to praise me.
She, that all my life felt like a stranger to me
"You'll end up like your sister,"
She threw me a disappointed gaze
"Your life would be as worthless as her."
Then she went for the knob,
"Disappointing me, is what you all do best."
And without looking back, she banged my door,
Went out of my room
Again, left me wounded.
This is all like a cycle.
And poor me, I don't have the courage to break it.
If I only had the courage to talk to her
I probably did.
I so long wanted to beg for her to trust me.
To separate me from my sister's misdoing
But you see, I cant.
Im never good at words.
Im never good at anything in front of her.
Everything I do wont be any good for her.
To her, Im just a future disappointment.
If I had known my life would be like this,
I wish she never bore me.
I wish she just stabbed me when I was a baby.
I never really said she'd give me life.
In the first place, I never really wanted to live!
If she'd just separate me from my sister
She'd see that I never really disappointed her.
Everything Im doing is for her.
Every time I wanted to give up its always her that keeps me going.
Yet, despite everything that she's doing it's so funny how I cant seem to hate her.
Its funny how my nightmare ends once Im beside her.
Its crazy that I still found solace in her embrace.
Im probably stupid because I still cant imagine things without her around.
And now I cant help but wish Santa Claus is true.
Because now that Christmas is fast approaching
There�s one thing I'd like him to do.
I wish he could whisper this to my Mama,
"Trusting me wouldn't hurt that much, right Ma?"
