I love you

by Shinobi   Nov 13, 2007


Observing your eternal smile, looking into your eyes
Feeling your smooth silk skin, But feeling alone
I hate being the one who always tries
In your deep brown eyes, I was long gone

Hugging your body, laying my chin on your shoulder
Whispering in your ear the words of love and care
Your expression tells me that you've become colder
I am getting a feeling that the passion is no longer there

Seeing you in class, Watching you with others
The eternal smile stays there with that special glow
I was and always will be the one who bothers
So I'll work hard for you, because I love you so

Before we met my heart was made of stone
Not yet experienced a deep true relation
My feelings for you are deep to the bone
And your presence along side fills me with passion

I want to be closer, to reach your loving sight
But the way you seem tells me it can't be true
The only thing I can do before I lose the fight
Is saying those warm words: I love you

    report violation
0


Did You Like This Poem?

Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by ihrtschlepper

    I think i better name would be eternal smile, but its still an amazing poem!!!
    there is a lot of great discription.
    well written!!

  • 17 years ago

    by Romantic Lover

    I thought this was good, you've expressed a deep desire for this person.

    The flow was a bit off in the middle but all in all, great job.

  • 17 years ago

    by Sean Allen

    I think this poem was good, but not great. There were a few things that hindered it. First of all, the verb tense in several of the lines was distracting. 'observing' 'feeling' 'looking' 'hugging' 'seeing,' too much active present tense. After all you switch to plain old present tense later in the poem. The active present tense you use in the earlier parts of the poem aren't even used to construct full sentences. Rather, they are just dangling participles.

    Secondly, I felt that there were a couple of lines that, due to either wording or length, disrupted the flow of the poem.
    "I am getting a feeling like the passion is no longer there"
    and
    "I was and always will be the one who bothers"
    both messed me up when I read the poem. The verb 'to bother' requires an object. And for some reason the first of the two sentences is just too cumbersome, syllable-wise.

  • 17 years ago

    by Jessica

    I am getting a feeling like the passion is no longer there
    ^ It should be "that" not "like"

    Awh, this was quite sad. I felt it was a little bit cliquey though and this spoiled it a little for me. However, it obviously comes from the heart and the emotions are clear. The flow was pretty good and the descriptions worded well to explain how you were feeling. Try using words that are less common to add interest. 4/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Ashley

    So deep this is by far the best poem i have read to date..i absolutely love it 5/5

Read All Comments (9)

More Poems By Shinobi