Hey, I don't usually comment by request...but I liked the title.

This piece shows real promise...I think it needs work in the structure department, by which I mean that the way it reads, it's rhythm and flow are inconsistent and random feeling...and generally this isn't a good thing as it confuses the reader.

Also, the way you have lots of the same words rhythming sometimes twice in one line gets old rather quickly....try to make your rhythming a little bit more subtle, not so

Bat hat mat cat....if you know what I mean.

I really like the idea of this piece, if you are 11 years old this is amazingly insightful and with a little work, like a redraft or two, I think you have a top quallity poem on your hands.

You need to find a structure to reign in the random lines though...maybe try balancing the syllable count from line to line or stanza to stanza...just play around with it.

Good luck, yours,
Kevin.

Wow, that was so full of emotion...it was beautiful. *5/5*

Wow i like how u expressed ur feelings here actually iadd this poem in my favorite list coz i wanted to read it every other day if i feel very emotional.. i love how u constructed all the words.. great flow 5/5

Wow, I really love the flow and the story. And you made it good and brilliantly written!!! 5/5 from me!!!

I liked this poem but i didnt rate it because i feel like u can prolly treak it. i mean the flow is like all of ur other typical poems but this one was hard for me to actually get thru. i couldnt quite understand where you were going with the poem. plus lots of spelling and grammatical errors. i know u areo nly 11 but if you are going to post somethign for all the world to see.. u might wanna make sure u check ur grammar. but if you revise this a few times u will have an awesome poem on ur hands. lol. good luck!!

A.

I love your opening to this piece, it's very powerful and gripping that it immedieatly makes the reader want to continue on into the piece.

"i now walk through a road
and i don't know were it might even go,"

^^My favourite lines in the entire piece, hands doen. So much meaning, and so much emotion packed into those few short lines that it adds such a powerful effect on the overall piece.

"this road will take me to the
answer of all my questions.... "

^^ BEAUTIFUL ending there. I thought that was beautifully done, so intense and hard hitting that it hits the reader like a slap in the face, while wrapping the piece up so perfectly at the same time.

Now, the thing I didn't like in this was the cionstant use of filler words (I, you, the, and etc) as I found it to throw the flow of in a few places. Try eliminating some of those and you'll find the flow is so much smoother.

Also, the fact that some parts rhymed while others didn't, also threw me of.

However, I thought this was both original and unique in concept and written with beauty and grace, and it provokes so many thought provoking questions for the reader.

I love the imagery in the first stanza, it's beautifully descritibve and detailed that it's like the reader can -see- everything that you're describing.

I would like to see more imagery in the following stanzas, though.

On the whole, you did a good job with this.