Diary of an ex-cutter

by Morticia   Nov 14, 2007


In a moment so much can change
In a moment so much can happen
In a moment a whole life can be lost
In the blink of an eye.
I never realized how much this gripped me
I can just sit here and think about it
For ages and ages
and It never hurts...
I wish It would
It would let me know that I'm human,
That I have feelings, emotions.
That there is life
inside the impenetrable surface
I call a body
I never let anyone inside my mind
No one knows what I'm thinking
Most of the time, I don't even know.
I wish sometimes that I could cry
That waterfalls of salty tears
could pour from sore red eyes
But It doesn't happen.
Since I gave up not a tear has been shed
I just want to cry
but the only way I know how is with tears of blood
Dripping, softly trickling down the wrists
Of yours truly.
Resisting has become a struggle in itself
Plus I have to deal with the struggles of everyday life.
Its so hard to live, to thrive, to love...
I feel I'm just incapable without it
To move on seems impossible
It seems I'm doomed to this emotionless life
Forever wishing that things could change.
I feel like I don't know any different
I realize that if I could love myself
the love my family and few close friends
TRY to bestow upon me might actually mean something.
But It doesn't
And on and on this lifeless life goes
Where it may end no one knows
I have the power but its so hard to find it
It's locked beneath my cold exterior
Never to be found again.
Death seems such a better offer.

    report violation
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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Hear You Me

    I can really relate to this, and youve written it with such good and clear expression

  • 17 years ago

    by NottShawn

    When i was reading your poem i was thinking about myself because i have been there but see i didnt just cut i burnt myslef as well i did anything i could to try to torture myself because i felt that was what i deserved no one cared about me i have been a failure for most of my years because i am 20 and i dropped out of high school when all i needed was 3.5 credits to graduate and i work a dead end job making subs i just finaly got my license april of this year so and i grew up around violence so instead of my inflicting pain on others i did it to my self but after a while it made it so i could not feel any pain i burnt myself right over my heart and i never even flinched and im still that way to this day but i have over come the cutting the burning and trying to torture myself and now im trying to live my life to my full potential

  • 17 years ago

    by sexyCheckers

    Yup yup, can totally relate to this!
    Very interesting poem......
    5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by falling out

    I think this is simply beautiful. i understand where you're coming from and i know how hard it can be when u first quit and i know its the first thing you want to do when something bad happens but the fact that you can overcome the need to cut is really good. It shows that you're stronger than that. i cant explain it so well. but this is an amazing poem.

  • 17 years ago

    by falling out

    I think this is simply beautiful. i understand where you're coming from and i know how hard it can be when u first quit and i know its the first thing you want to do when something bad happens but the fact that you can overcome the need to cut is really good. It shows that you're stronger than that. i cant explain it so well. but this is an amazing poem.

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