Who I Was Before

Dear Lord, please tell me why,
I'm in this place and can't seem to try...

I try so hard to be the best person I can be,
And it always fails because I never become happy...

Girls look up to me and I work to the limit,
I live my life and appreciate everyone who is in it...

So tell me why I'm stuck in this spot,
I keep giving everything that I got!

But I can't even deal with a simple problem
Because I don't have the right methods to solve them...

When cutting is the first thing that comes to my mind,
That means I have to run and leave this behind...

Tell me where I fell off the right track,
Tell me how to get my common sense back!

I can't stand these urges that make me shake,
I'm so unstable that I'm about to break...

If it's not an urge to cut, it's an urge to use,
Any kind of substance that I once did abuse...

Nights are spent driving around with a bottle,
Singing songs with friends driving full-throttle...

5 Years ago I would shake my head to this,
Now i just look at the scars on my wrists...

When did I fall behind the blade?
When did all my self-esteem fade?

When did my vision become so blurry?
When did I get thrown into this in a hurry?

Why do I cry at night because I want to hurt myself,
How comes I cannot handle problems too well...

Please tell me why a good person can hurt so bad,
People let me have back all the sense I once had...

I'm so lost and can't seem to fight anymore,
I don't know how to get back to who I was before...