Relapse

I did it again,
But this time not as bad.
It's been so long,
Since something made me that sad.

I thought I had overcome it,
Forgot what the urge felt like.
But it turns out I was wrong,
I remembered it all last night.

I remembered it's shape,
And the smoothness in my hands.
I remembered that amazing release,
And marks like thin rubber bands.

It won't scar this time,
Because it's not deep enough.
But I'll keep them under my watch band,
So people think my hearts still tough.