Broken hearts and lies are what my life revolded around,
always wondering when I was going to be hurt again,
walking on eggshells at home and outside of home,
I had the fear that lived in my heart that I was always going to be hurt.
Everytime my life changed for the better it got worse,
everytime I thought I'd found love I only found lust,
everytime I thought I could smile again a frown would suddenly appear,
and everytime I tried to love myself I only found it harder.
My life was going no where and I didn't seem to care,
and abusive relationship was the only thing on my mind and I didn't fear,
if abuse is what it took to feel loved I could endure all pain,
I just wanted what everyone else had a loving family and good boyfriend.
I had the loving family my whole life we just didn't always get along,
but the good boyfriend was the one thing that I could never find,
everytime I got close to someone they're just walk right out,
and when they came back they promised it would last but it never did.
I was so afraid that love is something I would never find,
I put myself down and hurt myself mentally, physically and emoctionaly,
but if thats what it took to free all the pain I had built up inside I didn't care,
all I wanted was that good boyfriend that could love me and hold me close.
Now I found everything I've ever wanted and I feel what I thought I never could,
and when I look into your eyes and see you looking back I feel safe again,
you have taught me that love can cure all the pain and hurt in someones life,
and you have helped me to believe in myself and to trust others.
This is so unreal because we started from just a simple MSN conversation,
we started talking more and more and I felt like I could trust you,
the more we started talking and longer we talked the more I trusted you,
and when we finally met eachother face to face I never wanted to leave.
We've grown closer in these past few months and we're still growing stronger,
you're the one person that I trust everything with and I talk to you about it,
you have gained every bit of respect from me and you deserve it,
you gave me so much strength and love that I have learned to love myself.
When I think of everything you've helped me through I imange my life without you,
I don't think I'd ever have gotten through all the tough times without you,
you always put a smile on my face when I was feeling down,
and you always reminded me that I'm loved when depression took over.
We've had a few arguments here and there but we've worked through them,
and after every argument we only found ourselfs closer then before,
I don't see us ever breaking up because for once I believe this feeling is real,
this feeling isn't going to fade away in a few days or months its to stay.
It's just the feeling I get when you're holding me in your arms,
or when you're looking at me and brushing the hair out of my face,
it's feeling I get when I'm looking into you're eyes only to see you looking back,
or how you know excatly what to say to put that special smile on my face.
I'm looking forward to our future plans that we've talked about for hours,
I'm looking forward to Christmas and all the holidays to come,
I'm looking forward to our four month and five month and all the months to come,
because every month we only grow closer and stronger and I love it.
I love you with every inch of my heart and it's not going away,
you have brought so much happiness into my life and pushed the hurt away,
because everytime you fall asleep before I do I can't help but to look at you,
you have manged to get inside my heart and head with every word you've said.
All thats left to say is thank you for everything you've done for me,
you've gotten me out of an abusive relationship and through a death,
you've taken pain out of my heart just by being there to talk to,
and Erik Joseph Riauka I love you with every inch of my heart and I never want to lose you .
