A girl aways needs her mother

A girl aways needs her mother
Current mood: scared

I know how my mom fells about me now..

I know that I have tested her patience.. her mind.. and even her love..

I cant think but to be a burden..

Some one that took me in..

Watched over me..

Protected me..

And even loved me..

I've been my mother's daughter for less then my life..

It's been a year and a half..

I frustrate her irritate her and even piss her off a lot.. (all of my frequent vocabulary words)

I hate being ignored..

I hate felling like I'm going to disappear into thin air..

Like no one will ever notice..

Or even worse care..

This is my family and I fell it slowly slipping out of my fingertips..

What is there for me to do??

I know that she says I'm always welcome in my own home..

That this will always be my home..

But I'm leaving in a few weeks and entering a land uncertain to me..

A place I haven't been since I was a rebellious child..

With a family unpredictable..

A mom that is blood yes..

But nothing compared to the women that has had her arms wide open to me..

Since the day I stepped one foot in to her home..

For once someone that didn't have to love me did..

It took me less then a week to call her by that precious name that not many women should wear..

Mom..

Mommy..

Mama..

What ever you want to call her..

I don't know what I'm going to do with out her..

I don't know if the second I step out of her door..

If I'll ever be welcomed back to the Katcher home..

Or be just another one gone and forgotten..

This keeps me up to night..

11:01

I wish I could go back in time it's pitiful yes I know..

But I would take back everything I ever did to betray her..

Everything I ever said to hurt her..

Anything that ever up set her or hurt her or angered her..

I love her more then my own blood..

I love her more then words could say..

English..

I love you SO so ouch mommy!!

Or..

Spanish..

Te quiero mucho mucho mi madra!!

I'm scared of what lies in the future unknown..

I'm scared of losing something..

Someone..

That never may have been mine..

But mostly I'm scared to be with out..

My precious mother that I have grown so found of in less then my lifetime..

I love her..

And I wish she knew that..

With all of my heart..

I love you..