Time will tell

Still to this day,
I sit and wait,
unpleasant thoughts,
for the biggest debate.

should I take my life in silence,
as i watch the blood spill,
fumbling fingers as I push in deep,
or done just for the thrill.

I tie the rope into a noose,
hang it up high above,
gargling for my last breath,
picturing all I love.

Or should I find a hand gun?
to place the back of my head,
against the walls,
all around my bed.

Still in this winter's day,
I cry tears down my cheeks,
I want to do this,
but I am to weak.