Dear Friend..

Dear Friend,

I was used to hearing your voice on the other end of the line. The phone was ringing, an unfamiliar number flashing. Answering that call changed my summer, and not to mention my outlook on life. I hadn't talked to you, or even seen you in months. I had only spoken with you a few times, during the few rough patches you went through while you were still here. The rest of the time, I would just get a one-worded response online, saying that you were fine, and that we should catch up soon. I didn't know that catching up would mean over the phone, with you on the other side of the country. I don't remember a day where I didn't think of you, just wishing that you were doing okay and that you were happy and healthy.

I will never forget how I met you. Outside the classroom you loved the most, saying goodbye to the person that probably influenced you the most during that time. You looked up to him and I'm sure you still do. He introduced us during your rebellious faze and during my, well, I don't even remember. Once I met you, I was always wondering more about you. You left me with questions. You were like a book that I'd only read the back cover of. It took a few years to truly know you and to understand who you were. During our first "real" conversation, I remember you telling me your goals, your hopes, your aspirations. You were the first person I'd ever met who spoke that way, the first person that wasn't always self absorbed and obsessed with the most superficial things.

When I think about you, I think of all the things you�ve said and the things you�ve done and I remember everything you�ve said to me. You have honestly been a huge part of my life - whether you realize it or not. After a long talk with you, I finally was able to sort things out. I don�t really know or understand what part of me changed. I remember analyzing how I was living my life. After talking to you I realized how much I�ve changed and grown. My opinions and ideas changed. I feel like a completely different person. I used to know what I believed but now I don�t really know where I stand. I used to feel as if I had strong opinions. Now I�m questioning everything I ever thought, whether it be right or wrong. I know one day that this will work out for me, I just miss you being there to help me through it.

Part of me died this summer. All the thoughts I'd been keeping from myself suddenly started filling the pages of my notebook. I remember everything I tried so hard to forget was slowly coming back into my mind. Just being able to face the facts was freeing. Being able to clear my mind of the things that haunted me everyday. I was finally free from the regrets that I couldn't shake off. Yet the feeling of emptiness still remained. I felt absolutely numb from the tears and the realizations of the things I tried to block. A little part in my mind was constantly telling me that I needed to pull it together and to work past the numbness. I think that talking to you and learning of the things you had to go through inspired me to keep on going. Nothing I could ever say would compare to what you had to go through. You've always told me not to think like that, never compare your life to other people's problems. Forgive me for it, as it all comes down to how you perceive things.

You always told me that my negativity was something that I should improve on. I've worked so hard to have more of a positive outlook on life but sometimes I get caught up in bad habits. I don't always believe the negative things I say about myself. Being a perfectionist often gets in the way of how I feel about things I achieve or accomplish. I am constantly writing out lists and goals that often end up unaccomplished because of my negative attitude. I really miss that I don't have you there to reassure me of things anymore, the internet is not enough regardless what others say. I just miss you and it is as simple as that.

I guess I'm writing to you because even though your miles away is because you understand me the most. There is a close feeling of comfort just hearing your voice. I used to be intimidated by you and I generally despise the feeling of awkwardness, but I knew that what I was getting was the real you. I know that you've always been the responsible person that had to take care of things but you should know that there are people that want to take care of you. You don't deserve to be treated how you were, nobody does; and I think that slowly it is having an impact on you. You need to believe it when people tell you that you are special, because you've sure made me feel special. I hope this summer was a turning point. You need to stop blaming yourself.

When I think about inspiration, I think of my goals and the things I want to accomplish but something needs to inspire you to stick to it. Inspiration just reminds me of you. Everything you've had to deal with inspired me to not be constantly lost in my thoughts. You've shown me that regardless of whatever is going on that I can get through it. Thank you for everything you've taught me and helped me through, words cannot express how much I appreciate it. Even though right now it feels like I need you the most, believe me that things will eventually be okay. They always will be.

Love always,
Gabi