Comments : Gymnastics

  • 16 years ago

    by shawn hoskins

    I liked this poem alot had some good lines in there keep it up good job

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "Gymnastics,a great feeling"

    Put a space after the comma.

    "One of my favorite sports
    Of all sorts

    There are many to choose from
    But this is one I love"

    I felt these four lines to not be descriptive enough, I think you could create a lot more imagery, the wording just felt weak to me.

    "Doing tricks on a beam
    May be scary to some that have seen

    But to me it brings no pressure
    And to me there's nothing better"

    That's really cool that you do that, it seems like a cool sport to do. Good wording in these lines.

    "Vault is exciting
    As long as you're sharp and tight

    But there's nothing like bars
    Doing tricks on them is nothing hard"

    The flow was rocky here. In the fourth line, use other words instead of what you already stated earlier "doing tricks". Maybe reword that line to: "Spinning on them is nothing hard" or something like that.

    "And floor is my favorite
    It is so great you just want to capture the image in your mind and save it
    After you've done a trick so great"

    That second line was way too long, it threw the reader off because the flow was bad.

    Reword maybe to this:

    "It's so thrilling and mind-blowing,
    You want to forever save that image."

    Otherwise, 4/5 from me, I didn't get much out of this piece, I just thought you could word things more creatively, be more original.

    Take care and God Bless You!