Okay, I'll break this up by eight at a time to start with. (:

First eight lines:
o1. Maybe it would be a bit better to combine every 8 lines into four, though the flow is amazing through reading it. There are so many people who won't because of the length, sadly enough. And, it might look a bit better. And, those can be stanzas of 4-8 lines, eh.
o2. maybe take out 'the' in "set the candles ablaze".

Second eight lines:
o1. Maybe make " I will" into I'll for the flows sake.
o2. Amazing two last lines. (:
Third eight lines:

o1. not one problem darling. Flawless! (:
Fourth eight lines:
o1. The 'my' in the last line is a bit, well, off for some reason. maybe try 'a satin throne'

Fifth eight lines: [[actually nine, because the last line just goes along with it]]
o1. I added the last line as well because it went so well with the two before it, and I had mentioned breaking these up into stanzas and longer lines, so I figured I might as well make it out to make sense while I'm doing that. Lol.
o2. Another flawless part, darling. (:

Sixth eight lines:
o1. Once again, nine instead of ten. Because it went so well together. If you do decide to make these into stanzas I'm positive it will still flow if lines are changed. EVEN, if you don't combine the lines, I think stanzas would help. But, maybe the 8-10 lines as I've kind of done way instead of four.

o2. Try onto instead of unto.
Seventh eight lines:
o1. Maybe put an I after "then" and before "climb" - the flow seems a bit off there.

Eight eight lines: [[nine lines]]
o1.Instead of having it as "she nods" make You nod, though the rest is 'she' and that works, that part just doesn't fit there for some reason.

Nineth eight lines:
o1. "bagun to rise" **
o2. Maybe add ''So'' before ''I lay you. . ''
Tenth eight lines:
o1.Flawless, darling. (:

Eleventh eight lines:
o1. " And [[the]] speed..." << just sounds better.
o2. I'm guessing you mean scream, not cream in the fifth line.

Twelth eight lines:
o1. In the last line maybe make it we've*

Thirteenth eight lines:
o1. Maybe " and, she continued to ride on top" ? it's a bit longer, but it sounds better.
o2. Last one maybe ;; " within your eyes" instead of that.
Fourtteenth eight lines:
o1. I only picked eight instead of ten because the last two would be fine by themself if you do.
Last set:
Amazing, ending. it made me smile.

- - - -
Darling, I must say I'm not usually into these kinds of poems but you've done a wonderful job. It was sexual yet not overly sexual ; a bit romantic. And, the flow - oh goodness, it was flawless. Literally, a few twitches here and there, but for such a long poem it's amazing. And, due to the length I really stretch breaking it into stanzas so it can all sink in a bit better - it did for me the second time I read it breaking it into stanzas. But, at the same time there's not really a need to, eh. It's up to you. VERY FEW MISTAKES! I was so proud of you for your . . . well, little, minor, and very few mistakes in this entire thing.

You've done a wonderful job.
5/5 defffff. (:

". . . glad your home," << you're*

Darling, this is so much better. (:
I mean it was amazing the last time I read it, and I smiled through the entire piece because it was just so amazingly written.
But, now that you've gottten it broken up and such, the flow is a lot better.
And, it looks a bit better too. Not so much to read, it seems. (: Though it's the same.

You've done a wonderful job, before and after. (:

Keep it up!
5/5

Absolutely INCREDIBLE.
This by far made my morning.
The best poem, hands down, that i have EVER read.
it was so beautiful and passionate.

Your definetly a passionate and caring person.
This girl better knows what she has.
It makes me made that she isn't paying more attention to your feelings.
I'm truly sorry.
And im here if you ever need to talk.

This poem was amazing.
Just know that your an awesome poet.
keep showing your emotions.
It helps me get through mine:)

Bravo.
Perfection.

---Tay

Wow, that was an awesome poem.
"The candles flicker,
With a seductive dance"
i loved this line. the imagery throughout the entire poem was great. the only thing i saw was in the fifth line of the second to last stanza says
"We both let out as scream"
other than that, fantastic job. i loved it. 5*5
Kimberly

Wow that must have been an amazing night...
but that was a good peom and you seem to love your partner!!! but yeah..this is really good work!
and i give you major props!!!
5/5

Omg! i love that..and the ending...hehe that was great you should so write more like that...=)

I love this!! LOL. It made me smile.
The flow was great & everything was just so very intense :]

Good job, dear.

The last part is definitely my favorite! LOL.

5/5

I love this poem so much, it's so descriptive and easy to imagine. It's romantic yet wild, sounds like a perfect night to me ^_~ 5/5

Ha Ha. i loved the end of that! smoko after sex! lol
Wow that really was passionate! I could imagine the whole thing! Amazingly written!
xx
Taegan Emily

Luved the last verse.... made me laugh! :D but as people above me said, break it up into stanzas, easier to read that way..... but amazingly written, u defo hav a talent, keep it up, ill b checking 4 more of ur poems :) xoxoxo

I loved you're attention to detail, and your smooth yet simple choice of words. Also, the final line was great as well. 5/5, well done!

WOW! That was some deep, strong, powerful stuff. I am stunned. The was wonderful. I only noticed a few minor glitches that need corrections. In the first stanza since you're speaking in past tense it should be "I dimmed the lights" instead of "I dim the lights". The 11th stanza 7th and 8th line throws off the flow because at first it was written as if you were speaking directly to her, but in those two lines you changed directions as if you were talking to someone about her. It's also like that in the 13th and the last stanza. Other than that I would say this was immaculate. You are an extremely talented poet, and I absolutely love reading your work. Keep up the magnificent writing Hun!

Letty

Detailed and very expressive. Excellent piece. :)

Wow... amazing writing. .. it made me think about my girlfriend. and the title realy match for your poem great work...

That was long but was well written it used alot of imagery and description.
the flow was good but maybe try to organize your stanzas like for example make them all 6 lines but overall it was very good
5/5

DANG!!!!! You got me all horny after reading this peom. I'm freaking wet, so you did your thing on this. Keep it up and I may have to print this off so my friend can get some ideas!!!

Whoa Bravo Bravo This encore Is the greatest one yet Bravo Bravo!

Your right this would be a fun night : )

5/5 <33

Very Excellent!! I really wish I could write a lovely piece like this =) hehe the last line made me laugh. With all the passion I wasn't ready for that last line ^.^ Very wonderful poem, I hope to be able to write a poem like this great one day. 5/5 Keep up the wonderful work!

Very nice poem. I gave it a 5/5. The wording was great. I could see this happening.