Superb!
there was so much emotion in this poem && was very well written. i love this poem alot. that no words could describe how amazing i think it is. 5/5.

(Crashing into his arms, unwilling to admit defeat.
Kissing him till he's lost, heart dropping at his feet.)

^^ These lines completely 100% stole my heart!! This again was amazing. Now this poem I could feel the emotion and full committment and inspirational spark. It was beautiful in a serene yet sad way. Your word choice and flow were flawless as always deary =)
I'm in love with it.
5/5.

"Gasping for breath, she chokes upon air,
Dragged into the ocean, love pulling at her hair."

^ Oh my.... those lines right there are simply perfection to me. They drag the reader right into the poem and leave us breathless for more. They're full of raw emotion and they just sound beautiful. :D

"(So I guess we're done, right?
"Yeah, we're done.")"

^ For some reason, I adore these 2 lines. They add more 'oomph' to the poem for me & they truly hit my heart when reading them.

"Take her by the shoulders and shake her,
As the crystals cleanse her from the sky.
Torn butterfly wings showering her,
Grief emblazoning in her eyes."

^ That first line is so powerful to me, it's simple, yet it holds so much emotion in it. Nicely worded on that one. :] The rest of this stanza was beautiful as well. You'll hear no complaints from me. :-)

"Watch as the rest of the planet walks by,
She stares out her snow-hazed window.
Writing these words with a dried-out pen,
Etched within a memoir already drenched in sorrow;
She wishes."

^ Oy. Amazing m'dear, simply amazing. :] I'm so envious. But I do feel you should add to the poem.. haha. :D I just didn't want it to ever end.

Spectacular job.
Overall: 5.5
-- Stephanie. x

It is alittle all over the pace to me but i did like it .

Crashing into his arms, unwilling to admit defeat.
Kissing him till he's lost, heart dropping at his feet.

^^^my favorite line^^
it shows a lot of emotion and that line is very descriptive.

in the end it was a great read and i give it a 5/5

Excellent piece
you really used some great metaphors and descriptor words like "crystals cleanse her from the sky" and "torn butterfly wings showering her"
those things really make the power of emotion in the writing

just one thing bothered me and tht wuz the last line of each stanza. it kinda seemed to get in the way of the flow of the piece.
Example: instead of
She lives.
try changing it to
And yet, she lives.

but other than tht a great piece
5/5

Now this, this is alot better then the last piece of yours I read to tell you the truth. I adored this one alot. It was beautifully sad with so much emotion flowing through each line.

Gasping for breath, she chokes upon air,
Dragged into the ocean, love pulling at her hair.

I loved the first line. Really really deep. I just wasn't as keen on the rhyme but I still found it to be effective with alot of power. The word choice of this was excellent and really deep. I adored the first line more then the secon but both were great.

Into the world of seldom emotion, she falls,
Passionate kisses sucking away her soul;
She remains walking.

Now this is great. Really fantastic. I'm starting to see way more of how i'm used to you writing in this poem compared to your last. Your word choice so vivid and strong creating beautiful emotion. I liked the dark and eerie effect you portrayed over the atmosphere also. This is quite a love poem with a twist. You portrayed the confused feeling of love and also the departed feeling. Quite interesting.

(So I guess we're done, right?
"Yeah, we're done.")

I liked that. That was effective. It reminds me of childhood love. Where it doesn't really matter if you brake up or whatever but deep down it does matter because you always remember it. That's just my interpertation. I may be wrong but if it is that was I do think that's sweet and beautiful yet so sorrowful.

Take her by the shoulders and shake her,
As the crystals cleanse her from the sky.
Torn butterfly wings showering her,
Grief emblazoning in her eyes.

I think I fell inlove with this piece. It's definitly going to be going on my favorites. The imagery you created here was vivid and stunning. I could picture butterfly wings falling from the sky and surrounding her in her sadness. Really effective and really gorgeous. That stanza was breath taking. You've created a beautiful yet agonizing piece. I love the contrast.

(Crashing into his arms, unwilling to admit defeat.
Kissing him till he's lost, heart dropping at his feet.)

Good rhyme, good emotion and excellent choice of words. I like how you use brackets to make an almost drifting of voice when you read it. It's interesting and effective.

Watch as the rest of the planet walks by,
She stares out her snow-hazed window.
Writing these words with a dried-out pen,
Etched within a memoir already drenched in sorrow;
She wishes.

The ending was gorgeous. I know i'm using the words beautiful and gorgeous alot but I just can't find another word to describe how stunned I am by this work. It touched my heart in more ways then one. I definitly think this is heart braking and worth the read. I'm glad I read both of your poems today. Well done with this. It is definitly deserving of a 5/5 in my eyes. ~Mel

I really liked "Phantom Gazes" but I think that I like this one more. You used powerful imagery to create an emotional piece of writing.

"Take her by the shoulders and shake her,
As the crystals cleanse her from the sky.
Torn butterfly wings showering her,
Grief emblazoning in her eyes."

Especially the part where you made a twist and said that torn butterfly wings shower her, as opposed to full butterfly wings. The symbolism in that is powerful. Maybe the torn butterfly wings symbolize a torn heart? Maybe they symbolize destruction of happiness? They could symbolize a lot of things.

Excellent job. Keep up the writing.

Beautiful way you write this poem and sooooo deep and you got great talent to write like this, powerful words stole my heart, i wouldnt stope and i rad it more, keep write never stope 5/5

Um wow. Another amazing piece by you hun. Your love poems are just one of a kind and take me to a whole different world and let me escape my reality which is just an amazing gift to possess. The love and saddnes in this piece was described just flawlessly and evoked all these emotions in me and left me wanting more. I adore the imagery you painted with your words ... it took the poem to a whole different level which was just refreshing to read. Congrats hun .. you have just made it into my fave authors with your amazing poetry. Well done on this one just like the one I read before. *5/5*

Another great piece. This poem is truely perfect and definetly from the heart, not some boring piece, but very emotional and descriptive poem. This seriously blew me away, it was just so perfect and great. You have great talent and I can see that in your poems, you will surely become a great poet. Great work, please keep writing!

Into the world of seldom emotion, she falls,
Passionate kisses sucking away her soul;

Title-
Your good with titles.
They drag me in, I was looking through a lot of your titles and they all have something that makes you want to read the poem. They're not "My pain" or "Bloody promises" etc etc.
They're original, Not used twenty times over.

Stanza one-
"Gasping for breath, she chokes upon air,
Dragged into the ocean, love pulling at her hair."
I think the rhyme was a bit forced, It felt it when reading. Your so amazing at making poems flow without rhyme that you don't need this here. Especially as the majority of the poem doesn't rhyme.
"Passionate kisses sucking away her soul;
She remains walking."
Sucking away her soul?
I love it, Woah. But if she's kissing how is she walking?
Sorry, I may have missed something.
Maybe my brain is malfunctioning from all the poems, too. :p

"(So I guess we're done, right?
"Yeah, we're done.")"

^^This adds something.
Makes the poem more personal, Easy to read. Adds emotion, etc etc.
I liked it.

Stanza two-
"Grief emblazoning in her eyes."
Word use - Thumbs up. Made it your one.
I love how this four lines, while stanzas 1+3 have an extra something. It adds to the structure.
The images were lovely. And really easy to create, because of how you write.
Its a talent some have, some don't. You're lucky. :]

"(Crashing into his arms, unwilling to admit defeat.
Kissing him till he's lost, heart dropping at his feet.)"

^^This should be the only rhyme in the poem, It adds to the flow. It makes it stand out, You read it like you would read a nursery rhyme. Well, I do. Haha.
Its also longer than the rest, and makes you focus on it more.
Good stuff.

Stanza 3-
"Watch as the rest of the planet walks by,
She stares out her snow-hazed window.
Writing these words with a dried-out pen,
Etched within a memoir already drenched in sorrow;
She wishes."

I love everything about this stanza.
How you use "planet" instead of "world".
"Dried out" instead of just "pen", To show she's been writing for so long.
Also to create a powerful image.
"She wishes" - Great ending. Simple. So simple.
Yet perfect.

Great work, Mindy.
As always.
<3

Wow. I found this one to be much bewtter than your other one. I really enjoyed reading this.. a sad piece.

Gasping for breath, she chokes upon air,
Dragged into the ocean, love pulling at her hair.
^ I really like these lines but the -hair- part seems the weakest.. i was thinking about possibly.. cause you know she's being dragged into the ocean how about:
Gasping for breath, she chokes upon air,
Dragged into the ocean, love pulling her there.
idk its just a suggestion.

Into the world of seldom emotion, she falls,
^ I loved the first part of this, it was so powerful. I think you should trade 'falls' for a strong word though

Passionate kisses sucking away her soul;
She remains walking.
^Through it all she's still able to move. Power

The (....) in the poem add a lot of emotion and makes the reader understand a lot more thats going on in the poem, great choice.

Take her by the shoulders and shake her,
As the crystals cleanse her from the sky.
Torn butterfly wings showering her,
Grief emblazoning in her eyes.
^ I LOVED this Stanza. Absolutely WONDERFUL. GREAT JOB there's not a single flaw.

(Crashing into his arms, unwilling to admit defeat.
Kissing him till he's lost, heart dropping at his feet.)
^This, I think, held the most emotion out of all the other lines in your poem. Great. Job.

Watch as the rest of the planet walks by,
She stares out her snow-hazed window.
Writing these words with a dried-out pen,
Etched within a memoir already drenched in sorrow;
She wishes.
^ PERFECT ending. You pulled your title all the way to the end. Great job.

My favorite lines:
As the crystals cleanse her from the sky.
Torn butterfly wings showering her,
Grief emblazoning in her eyes.

Excellent Job

5/5

"Gasping for breath, she chokes upon air,
Dragged into the ocean, love pulling at her hair.
Into the world of seldom emotion, she falls,
Passionate kisses sucking away her soul;
She remains walking."

Ok, the first two lines i just dont think made enough sense, i get it, but it just doesnt seem to fit right.
The last three lines were good, but i think the fifth line "she remains walking" could have been eliminated.

"Take her by the shoulders and shake her,
As the crystals cleanse her from the sky.
Torn butterfly wings showering her,
Grief emblazoning in her eyes."

The first two lines were amazing, just using the words "shake" and "crystals" gave the lines power. The last two lines were also great, the vocab was superb.

"(Crashing into his arms, unwilling to admit defeat.
Kissing him till he's lost, heart dropping at his feet.)"-

This pretty much has to be the best part of the whole poem, though it was pretty simple it was very emotional.

"Watch as the rest of the planet walks by,
She stares out her snow-hazed window.
Writing these words with a dried-out pen,
Etched within a memoir already drenched in sorrow;
She wishes."

This was a very good ending, but i dont think the "she wishes" was really needed at the end. But again it was set up very well

overall it was a greatly written peace, great flow. Loved it

again a well deserved 5/5

Very strong metaphors used and also very strong lanuage skills which makes it a pretty gopod piece of work.

the personification of love was a very clever thing to do :] also the personification of kisses, it gives it an animated feel about it. which is kinda groovy

the words in teh brackets, make it real life it gives it a touch of your own unique style and is written as if you would say it so you can hear the words in your head :] good job

unconditional love that is over is a very hard thing to contemplate but you used pretty words to describe something which isn't pretty at all.

(Crashing into his arms, unwilling to admit defeat.
Kissing him till he's lost, heart dropping at his feet.)
- i like this part most, i honestly do not no why, its like a feeling that he is now upset becuase she ddoesn't want to let do :[ and it reminds me of someone and something from my past so i'm connected to it :[

thats all i can really think of to say. apart from good jopb :]

sorry for the spelling i'm in a rush

"Gasping for breath, she chokes upon air,
Dragged into the ocean, love pulling at her hair."

^^ I LOVE this, the imagery in these opening lines is amazing, it's like I can -see- everything that you are talking about and it instantly creates such striking images for me as the reader.

"(So I guess we're done, right?
"Yeah, we're done.")"

I love the use of parathensis (sp?) here, it adds for a strong effect and makes it seem all that much more real.

"Take her by the shoulders and shake her,
As the crystals cleanse her from the sky.
Torn butterfly wings showering her,
Grief emblazoning in her eyes."

^^This is my favourite stanza so far, I find this stanza to be so sad, yet so incredibly moving and bittersweet, along with the imagery and the emotion, and this is one strong verse that holds almost as much power as the rest of the piece put together.

"(Crashing into his arms, unwilling to admit defeat.
Kissing him till he's lost, heart dropping at his feet.)"

^^ My other favourite part of the piece, this to me shows courage, determination to keep fighting, yet at the same time it's filled with sorrow, and these two conflicting emotions make for a wonderful effect on the overall piece.

"Watch as the rest of the planet walks by,
She stares out her snow-hazed window.
Writing these words with a dried-out pen,
Etched within a memoir already drenched in sorrow;
She wishes."

^^ What a beautiful ending!
I found this last stanza to make the entire poem, so strong, so full of depth, so many emotions that it's almost overwhelming at times, and certainly an ending that will stay with the reader for quite some time.

Just beautiful.