"All my pitiful existence
with you by my side
make yourself comfy
in my soul you reside"
^^ Amazing opening there, so much intenisty and power wrapped up in few words, that immediately makes me want to continue reading.
"You're the thorn in my side
the pain in my head
the weight on my chest
my feeling of dread"
^^ I adore the imagery you painted in this stanza..beautifully detailed and it created such vivid visuals for me.
"I bid you adieu
inhale the last breath
here's my submission letter
address it : To Death "
^^ LOVE that stanza, easily the favourite part of the piece. I found that stanza alone to hold almost as much emotion and depth as all of the piece together, while simutaneously making for a beautiful intense ending.
Your flow in this is perfect...it doesn't falter once, while the imagery is beautifully painted.