A Mess You Cant Clean Up

You thinks its bad right now
the screaming, lies, and fights
you start to plan out how
you want to die tonight

you find the perfect place
you research for quick and painless
on your way out the door, you see that face
so full of love and kindness

you shake hesitation from you mind
pushing your way out the door
making sure not to leave anything behind
telling your self you're sure

you hang the noose
after planting the bloody knife
checking it, don't want it to be loose
is this really how you want to end your life?

sure you wont have to feel
but what about that face?
you think youve lost sight of whats real
think of what will happen to this place

it will be over for you
but you'll push him just enough
is this what big sisters do?
instead of helping him be tough?

they will find your body
and cry for the rest of their lives
you're going to drag him down with you
you're death is driving him to the knife

stay strong for little brother
stop thinking of yourself
when you've both lost your mother
he keeps a knife on the shelf

his death is all your fault
you had to show him how
you gave the key to vault
death will haunt you now

(for little brother; please don't be like me. i see more of myself in you everyday. and it hurts. i try to be strong for you, but its not so easy.i know you think i don't care, and that alone makes me want to die. but please...don't be like me.)