Bitter >>what a beginning..very interesting!!

Walking through the valley
The sun makes her eyes tired
>> I really prefer : The sun tiring her eyes
since ist a free verse so rewording wont
harm the flow..and that way is really better
but remains my opinion..only

Seems to melt upon her lids
Perspiration on her mouth
Licks her sea salt lips
>>>OMGOMG...incredible

and for the following stanzas...how u said
Bitter not everything is fair..Bitter...
u gave me an extreme inspiration for a poem..
ur so inspiring and this poem of urs..is jiusssttt
as amazing!!!

5/5
applauds

Jane, I thought I would hoodwink you and dig up an old one from your account.
I will be honest and say I could only hazard a guess as to the meaning of this, but with equal and so believable honesty, I can say that the imagery is astounding and this line - 'The cold makes her hair stiff Each strand a weary soldier' - genuinely impressed me.

All the best as ever,

Ben

Jane, what an awesome write. The visuals with this are so spot on. Well done -