The shadows lengthen
Yes, though I am standing.
In my heart I ache for You...
In Your passing, I know no sorrow.
The dark forms shimmer
Though I detest their voice...
I can hear them chiming
All together the whisper my fears aloud.
"You will pay your broken debts,"
They say... And they chuckle among themselves.
They seek to reach out and touch me...
But I read and pray to One who is stronger.
I talked to God and praised his name
Last Sunday night He heard my pleas...
In His name I asked for an answer...
If only to resolve my utter confusion.
"I love you Lord, with all my heart
With all my mind and with all my strength...
I am trying not to rely on what my mind says I need...
And I acknowledge You in everything I do...
Direct my paths, O Lord, my Provider...
Jehovah-Jireh, praise Your name.
Time after time I read your Word
And it says to sever my contact with him...
But I feel so strongly that I should stay...
Men, also, say that I should stay...
That true love would never deny true love
And that a true God would see it and respect.
... ... ...
But you are no respector of persons.
You are the Almighty God.
You made the Earth and everything in it...
A feat that man could never boast.
You are not the author of confusion...
Though it may bear its weight down upon me...
In my distress I cry out Your name...
Hear my voice, my Christ... hear my plea.
... ... Send me one who knows Your voice
And knows nothing else other than to obey it.
Have them yet touch my forehead...
Then I will know what I am supposed to do.
I ask for this in Your name, Jesus.
In Jesus' name I pray...
Correct my paths and make them straight
As I forsake my way of thinking and living.
Protect me, Lord; guide me.
Teach me your ways,
That I may shine them to others...
Lord, do not forget me... Aid me in my time of need..."
It hurt to say those words that night...
I feared what would happen then...
Rather, I knew what was going to happen.
In my heart, I could not avoid it...
And I knew that my life would never be the same.
At the end of the service...
The Lord sent to me one person.
She approached me while I was praying for another woman and she touched my forehead. I went down on my right knee and opened my arms. I waited for God's message and truth to be revealed. His message was to sever all ties. He was telling me to "break up" with the person who I deeply care for... and who I know loves me, even though at times he might not know how to show it.
I felt bad that I had to do it, but also I felt such a peace. It souds horrible to say, but I wanted to do it because it's what God was telling me to do... But at the same time, I love Justin so much... I had been praying for weeks and weeks about this... It still hurts! And the thing that hurts the most is that Justin doesn't understand. He thinks I am doing it to spite him, that I was just waiting for him to get an apartment so that I could break up with him. He thinks that I manipulated him and played him until his cards ran out... He thinks I was and am cheating on him with someone else. He says I ripped out his heart and that I know that what I was doing was wrong. He said that 'his religion' didn't command us to be apart, but mine did, and that I knew that was wrong. . . That my God should be able to recognize true love when it existed and to respect it...
And it is so hard to bear these words and sights in my heart and mind. Does he know how much it hurt me to tell him that God told me that I need to do this and this is why? That I need to find Him and so does Justin? The woman who God instructed to tell me His will told me that "Erin needs to find God; Justin needs to find God. And if God sees fit, He will bring you two together again."
Do you know how hard this is!? I ache to be able to just look at him and see him smile, but now whenever he looks at me I see his hurt. And it's because he doesn't understand...
I pray for him and I pray for myself and those around me, and those praying for me. I pray that a hedge of angels to protect the believers who pray, so that their prayers are unhindered. I know that in due time, God's plan will be shown... I believe that Justin will be a Believer in Jesus' name. Though he fights it, he cannot deny it.
So I ask you all to pray for him. Pray for the Faith of God to surround him. Pray that his life will be changed towards God and His divine will. Pray that Justin's eyes and ears and heart will be open to Jesus' Word, and that his mind will keep returning to what he's read in the Scripture. Please pray for these things.
