Counting my day's

I don't want to be here.
I might as well die.
Let the pain wash away.
Let my spirits fly high.

Some day's i wish i could do this.
I wish i had the strength.
To just end it all, make my life bliss.
But i always talk myself out of it.

The reason i do not do this.
Isn't because I'm scared.
The thing I'm afraid of least is death.
Because you know that someday it's coming.

But what most frightens me.
Is what happens after death.
If we will ever see.
Heaven or hell.

If so i don't want
To spend an eternity in hell.
But rather wait till my time.
Because my soul is something I'll never sell.

But maybe this is my time...
Maybe this is what I'm suppose to do.
'Cuz he has yet to show me a reason.
To stay on this dreadful earth.

Until i get a sign.
Or some reason to stay.
All i can do...
Is sit and count my day's.