A Non-Existent Heart (contest)

Great piece. I like the way you started off the poem. For lines so uneven, you managed to keep the flow. (: The only thing I didn't like is that the second stanza felt like a tongue twister. [Too many S sounds] But that's probably just me. lol But great write. (: 5/5.

The glimmer of her fangs
piercing through the night
her ethereal blue eyes
inspiring fright

^realie nice openin your poem here. i could see her fangs n her eyes right on my mind.

The screams of her victims
as she starts to feed
the satisfying sigh
silencing her need

^this part gave me a bit shiver. hearing the screams in my mind. seeing her feed wow amazing flow indeed

The copper taste of blood
feeling of power
her mixing emotions
bitter and sour

^awww... very powerful. words i wouldnt change them at all. love the last 2 stazals here.

Living in the darkness
of which she can't part
she slowly tries to fix
her non-existent heart

^awww.. truly sad here. my favroite part of your poem. a great way to end your piece here. you did and amazing part from beginnin to end.
5/5 truly

TaKe CaRe,
Frenchy

The glimmer of her fangs
piercing through the night
her ethereal blue eyes
inspiring fright

(Wow the imagery here is great. I feel like I'm loooking at a picture. Really nice.)

The screams of her victims
as she starts to feed
the satisfying sigh
silencing her need

(Good, the imagery could have been stronger, but the flow is great though.)

The copper taste of blood
feeling of power
her mixing emotions
bitter and sour

(Amazing job here, you recaptured the imagery in this stanza. I loved it.)

Living in the darkness
of which she can't part
she slowly tries to fix
her non-existent heart

(Awesome ending. You should write more like this. This would make a good story. keep it up. Shanik)

It's an alright poem, not the greatest. Of course, I don't think any poetry about vampirism could be that good. Also, the story starts off differently then it ends, the "non-existent heart" seems to come out of left field. The first three stanzas have absolutly nothing to do with that last line, which can lead to confusion.

Peace and prosperity,

(RKD)