Hi

it's such a moving piece. full of feelings.

keep it up that way

good luck

Her Guardian

I liike the flow and the emotion in ur poem! great job!

Very beautiful poem. It's very well written and loved everything about it. Going on my favs! 5/5

<mOnStRiTo'S pRiNcEsS>

Wow I was engulfed into this poem from beginning to end! It was so dark and haunting that it just sent chills down and up my spine. The lanuage you used was just perfect and I just loved the overall vibe of the poem. Well done *5/5*

Very nice!
i loved the complex wording in this..it was perfect. ithe poem kept my attention through the whole thing. excellent read. keep it up

I love how you worded this and it was so mysterious. i loved it!

Hehe.. well written indeed..and different from ur average "i am in darkness and depresed" poem.. i like the way u connected it all in the end.. good sutff..kepp it comin

Very good poem, writen beautiful. ^^ 5/5 keep it up ^^

:holds up sign that says go you:

XD

This poem is soo well written that i can imagine all of it.

well written

Another beautiful write.
of course the wording and the flow was amazing.
it's sad. but so full of emotion.
you've simply out done yourself. :] 5/5.

Powerful and very creative from the beginning to the end. I like captivating, dark atmosphere that you created and I can relate to this piece in a way. You expressed emotions greatly.
The only thing I don't like is:
Repetition of the word "out" in the firs stanza, that ruined flow a bit.
You have great ending, too, very effective.
The last stanza is my favorite.
Keep writing!
5/5

Very good poem! I love it!! lost of feeling!! Great job!!!!

A very creative poem with colorful vocabulary however there was something about the poem that did not hold my attention.

Possibly it could have been the flow as it was off in a couple of places, but that is of course an opinion.

Overall it was a great poem and the title was perfect for it.

Good Job

^Men^

Wow very good poem
it had a niice flow
it deserves a 5/5

<3 i love you silly

This was pretty good, not something i normally read and yet i was so involved in it. Its like you brought me into your emotions wow awesome i loved it. well done

Interesting to read, I liked the word choice, I especially liked the paragraph;

Peaceful smiles, open eyes, watching the sunrise,
No more bad dreams, darkness; lonesome screams,
Happily ever after, being free, knowing I am me,
Watching her invisible angel wings, saving me from my dreams

was hooked, good write!!

I love your rhyme scheme, it's awesome!!!
Very enjoyable read...
You deserve 5/5 for sure!!!

Another good poem.. yet again an enjoyable read with a great flow the only part i dont understand is the last line when you say, "saving me from my dreams." because usually dreams are happy so you wouldn't want to be saved from your dreams you would want to be saved from you nightmares

Wow that was pretty deep. I love dark poems and this one was just amazing. I really have nothing bad to say about it. When I was reading it, it brought this wave of peacefulness over me. Ironic isn't it? Haha, anyways great works!

Cayce xx

"Screaming, kicking, piercing loud,"
^^^
[I like the mystery in these lines, because you don't say what it is yet, but I don't like the wording. In your other poem you used "screaming" as the beginning as well.. Don't get caught on certain words. Use different ones.]

"I scramble to get out of this darkness,
I'm falling in and out of my thoughts,
So petrified of this color, this blackness."
^^^
[Very nice. I like the rhyming here; it's very catchy and flows well.]

"Punching repetitiously at nothing at all,"
^^^
["Punching"... I really just don't like it.]

"I'm falling from myself, Compressed against the cold,"
^^^
[I like the expression in this one, though. "Compressed" doesn't need to be capaltized.]
^^^
[The overall second stanza is weak. It doesn't portray enough emotion .. I mean to say, I don't FEEL them personally when I should be able to.]
"I'm trying to hold on, there is nothing there, just me,"
^^^
[Horrible grammatical errors;
"I'm trying to hold on, there is nothing there [--] just me,"
And I just hate the ending to the line."

"No one in this cold, hollow, darkness, loneliness,"
^^^
[This doesn't sound good at all. Maybe something like "No one in this cold, hollow, darkened loneliness... But too many adjectives at once with no noun after it sounds horrible.]

"All by myself no one to blame but I, I am lost,"
^^^
["...But I[;] I am lost.]
Not too bad an ending here, though.]

[The third stanza was a bit stronger than the second, but again, it just lacked an overall emotion. I know what you're saying and feeling, but I'm not feeling it NOW. Do you get what I mean?]

"Just when I think it's all over, falling, falling,"
^^^
[Grammar!
"...over[;]falling, falling.]

"She's here, to rescue me from this tumble downward,"
^^^
[I really like this, for some reason. The "tumble downward" is a nice expression.]

"The darkness is forever gone, all is just a blur."
^^^
[And I like the ending. This is the second strongest stanza in the entire piece. Nice.]

"Peaceful smiles, open eyes, watching the sunrise,
No more bad dreams, darkness; lonesome screams,
Happily ever after, being free, knowing I am me,
Watching her invisible angel wings, saving me from my dreams."
^^^
[ Dreams and screams is a cliche rhyme. Not a good way to end the poem.
Overall, you didn't have good grammar (but I'm not counting off for that) and you didn't show much emotion. I've felt like how you described, but by reading your poem I <<didn't>> feel it. I should have... That's what poetry is. To feel something you may never have felt before.
The flow wasn't too bad, though, and the rhyming was consist.
You didn't do too badly, but it definately could have used more emotion.]

xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 4.5