I'm falling now
But at least its the right direction
^"Its" should be "It's"
I'm falling faster now
Or is it imagination
^I think in this part of the song you should add "my" in between "it" and "imagination" it sounds better and helps the flow of the song as you read/sing it.
Like that of your face
In my vertigo blurred eyes
Like that of your taste
In my bitten and swelled up skies
^I liked this part. Very well done.
I'm falling now
But at least its my intention
^Again "its" should be "it's" I know I'm being picky but if your grammars correct it actually means more then you'd think.
I'm falling faster now
Exceeding expectations
Of my generous motivations
^This part I liked as well, bravo.
And what you don't know is that you need it now
And you need it now
So let it out
And what you don't know is that you need it now
So let it
Everything around
And what you don't know is that you need me now
And you need me now
So get me now
And what you don't know is that I love you now
Yes I love you now
So I let it out
^Flawless transition.
It's darker now
Your hands are my decisions
^Hmm.. This might mess up what you're trying to say, but for me, "destinations" would be better than "decisions"
It's growing darker now
But your heat is my vision
A radar sense
In order to touch your skin
Does it make any sense
That I'm willing to give anything
^here is seems like somethings missing.
It's darker now
But I can still see
It's growing darker now
But I can see beauty
And I'm going to say to it
^Here, it seems like something is missing or added, here i think its added, maybe delete the second "to" and just make it "And I'm going to say it" since that fits the other lines as well.
And what you don't know is that you need it now
And you need it now
So let it out
And what you don't know is that you need it now
So let it
Everything around
And what you don't know is that you need me now
And you need me now
So get me now
And what you don't know is that I love you now
Yes I love you now
So I let it out
Climb with me
To the highest we've seen
^I'd change "we've" to "we have" since thats as all the others are, it seems out of place and random as is.
Sing with me
On the highest we have seen
Hold me
Night's shadows we love to see
Climb with me
To the highest we have seen
And what you don't know is that you need it now
And you need it now
So let it out
And what you don't know is that you need it now
So let it
Everything around
And what you don't know is that you need me now
And you need me now
So get me now
And what you don't know is that I love you now
Yes I love you now
So I let it out
That's what you don't know
That's what you don't know
That's what you don't know
That's what you don't know
Overall, beautifully done. Aside from the little mistakes and suggestions I mentioned, this was a very good song. I liked it. :]
Bravo.
12 years ago
by BlueJay
Terrific job. I love this piece, you have done an excellent job.