That's what you called yourself. I am consumed by images of you. I won't let go of you. I know you have passed on, but to me you are still very much alive. When I found you slumped over in the bathroom, I held your head in my arms for what seemed to be an eternity. All the life in you was gone. I ached and screamed til I just went numb. For so many years I hated all who crossed my path. No one could ever be you. In just a few short days it will be 4 years that you have been gone. I lost the ability to shed a tear. Now I try to live. As hard as this may be, I TRY! You still come to me in my sleep, but I just want to speak to you one more time. This is not going to happen, but I Always want want what I cannot have. You know this is how I always have been, and always will be. So much time has passed. Now I have found love in another. If I were the one who passed, I would want the same for you. Overwhelmed with guilt is how I will feel til I die. The closer it gets to the day of your death, the sicker I feel. So young, so beautiful, so wonderful. These are my memories of you. I love you so much. Wherever you are, I want you to be at peace. I can cut til there is blood dripping from my arm's. This will not bring you back. I wanna run, I wanna hide, I wanna give up, But all I can do is live
