It was a cold December night. School was out for winter break. My parents werent home. I was depressed, very depressed. I had been thinking about my mistakes. I remembered all of the trouble Ive caused others. I was often a burden. Friends were mad at me, they didnt care any longer. My parents were in their usual mood-- pretending to care, but I knew they felt otherwise. Luckily, they were gone; they couldnt bother me.
It seemed like the perfect day. My parents were gone. I had no friends to change my mind. There was nothing that could stop me. Nothing, that is, except for myself. At first I didnt hesitate; I was ready. A few minutes passed and I grew afraid. I couldnt stop, though. If I stopped I would regret it. I was ready. Now nothing, not even myself, could stop me.
I was ready. I had the plan ready. It had been ready for years. I had the perfect plan. I was ready. I grabbed the bottle. I held it firmly in my palm. Looking at it, I saw my future. I contemplated only for a few seconds-- there was no room for reluctancy.
I was ready. I pushed my hand to my mouth, titled my head back, and swallowed. "There, that wasnt that bad." I had only started the process, though. I, again, pressed my palm to my lips, tilted my head, and swallowed. I swallowed every jagged little pill in that bottle.
All that was left to do was wait.
As I waited, I felt every drop of poison trickle down my throat. Oh, it was such a wonderful feeling. A feeling of hurt and pleasure, of fear and joy, of worry and relief. It was the beginning of the end. The beginning of my end. The end, at last.
But, what I thought to be the end, was only the beginning. My body had processed the pills, leaving me only a small stomachache. Death was avoided.
The morning after I attempted to take my own life, I awoke to disappointment. I thought my plan was fool-proof. A bottle of pills-- how could it not have been enough?
Later I learned that it was not the pills fault I awoke that morning. The fault was lain before the feet of destiny. That night was not the end, for the end was destined another night. I now thank my friend destiny for keeping me here, alive.
Since that cold winter night, I have discovered the true meaning of life. There are so many beautiful things in this so-called life. The beauties of life may not always be visible. In my case, I have done quite a bit of searching to find lifes jewels. But, by having to search harder, I became more thankful for the treasures that I found.
I know now that life may appear to be hopeless and dim; as nights sky is cold and dark. But every morning, regardless of the past night, the sun rises to greet our eyes. There is no doubt that somewhere lurking in lifes evils, a treasure always awaits you.
(Babe, you are my ray of light, my guiding star, and by far, my favorite tresure.)
