Reaching out to air.

I've been captured by emotions that fill my day with ruins.
Fighting back tears - I climb, climb to the top of every mountain.
And, as I reach the top realization; they're only hills that
defy my odds of any wisdom reaching my feeble brain.

At times I think it was wrong to imagine leaving you.
The burden of my past comes back to haunt me everyday;
eating me alive as I work with it all at my own free will
trying to free myself from this awful power overtaking me.

But, I can't grasp reality since I'm still living in our dream,
fighting back tears - I climb, climb to the top of every mountain
to search for something that I've never felt before;
somehow I've felt it all in these past few years.
(pain, confusion, rage, love, hatred, happiness, and depression.)

It seems as if I'm struggling without reason and reaching out to air,
breaking myself down over and over, along with every word you've said.
Trying to figure out what made you love me so - though you never did,
deceiving myself into believing that you keep loving me so much.

And, at times I think it was wrong to imagine leaving you:
But, coming to my senses proves that I'm now wrong -
debating the truth that lies deep within my feeble brain,
as time tells me what reasons there are to live for myself.