Light-headed and weak I've no choice but to see
The heaven that flows right in front of me
As I lay powerless not moving a muscle
I'm thrown into the past not knowing what I'm after
Every now and then an event remakes itself
I try not to believe but it's one of my regrets
Illusions they are of the torment i feel
Yet reliving those moments cause me much pain still
A moment in time when you and I had just met
You were happy and cheerful helping my broken heart mend
I admired the glow that certain light in your eyes
And the warmth I felt when they connected with mine
The days passed by my old scars forgotten
Your smile never faded you would flash it so often
Slowly but surely I was getting attached
But I never could say fearing you'd leave in a snap
I kept it inside this developing feeling
Not wanting to change how you looked at me
Since I have met you I've thought of none else
I'd appear always happy but my heart was a mess
My heart longed to call to get an answer in return
Yet it hasn't forgotten the pain of its burns
Everyday instead secretly wishing for more
I'd be beside you like nothing changed from before
But I noticed a change the glow in your eyes getting faint
I could barely feel that warmth you emanated
I would've pushed to ask how things were in life
But I shunned off the feeling deciding you'd tell me in time
You were always strong you never told me once
Any problems you had you always seemed balanced
Even through the glass smile your eyes spoke different words
I didn't want to imagine that you were also in love
I felt a tinge of jealousy insecure of this thought
I tried to throw it aside such pain it had wrought
A year had passed but it seemed only hours
I thought of no other moment except those that were ours
Yet I couldn't shake that feeling inside
Something had changed you barely smiled
I noticed some signs the smile was now gone
There was no longer warmth something was wrong
Though I wanted to ask I kept holding it back
I realize in more ways than one it was courage I lacked
Through the course of time there became space in between
You distanced yourself with your intentions unseen
What could've happened to push you away
I'd have done anything to be with you for a day
Weeks passed and still nothing not a word had been spoken
What reason did you have for leaving me broken
I had plenty of time to think things through
But my heart cried out beating only for you
I had to know why your reason for deserting
Did i err somewhere was I really deserving
I decided one night that I would pay you a visit
I'd pry you for answers; why you really did it
But it would be the next day for it was far too late
I turned on the T.V. and decided to wait
The local news was on and I couldn't believe
What I heard and saw was worse than a bad dream
Your parents were crying with a note in their hand
They had read it aloud and I found I couldn't stand
I turned off the tube and retired into bed
Except I was troubled by the things your note said
I tried to force sleep, yet I knew it was useless
I'd found a tear drop, what on earth was this
Night turned to day, a transition I hadn't noticed
Not a wink of sleep at all, But not sleepy a bit
I got showered and dressed, and went by to your house
Your mom opened the door, and I was met with a shout
Your dad hurried forward and restrained his crying wife
He gave me the note you wrote and I also began to cry
I read it over even though I've heard it before
I couldn't believe what it said, so I read it twice more
I died slowly just then, and was shattered inside
Was it really for me? "To My Reason To Smile"?
Had she told her parents, but kept the truth from me?
How could I have done so, pushing her to insanity
Ironic how it happened, but nowhere near funny
This hidden love has hurt us so badly
That day I died again and became forever guilty
I was speechless as I returned to reality
I was again powerless, unmoving and waiting
On the floor of my room, profusely bleeding
I take one more glance at the picture of us
The last thought in my head, "I love you so much"
