Beautiful~~~free verse

Losing myself to the flood of emotion
Drowning any other thought within my head
Tears so hot they boil upon my cheek
Is this what it feels like to cry?

Im left without any an option
If I just pull this trigger ill be dead
My altered mind shattered by a slight tweak
With a calm composure, am I going to die?

She is now gone, everything that was beautiful
The roses were red, and violets use to be blue
She was my lover, everything bright turning dark
Walking alone in this world, without her I have no clue

Midnight walks within the starlight
Passion flowing through are veins
Stopping underneath the green mistletoes
Bodies so close, heart beats together

With her it felt so completely right
And with her my heart will always remain
I hear her name in a place were the wind it whistles low
And her favorite plants grow of golden heather

She is now gone, everything that was beautiful
The roses were red, and violets use to be blue
She was my lover, everything bright turning dark
Walking alone in the world, without her I have no clue

The crescent moon shining down upon passing clouds
As I stare into the faded photograph of her, within my hand
These thoughts that im so unsure for, they keep hurting inside
When she left to live in the ground my heart she took

The answer that resides within myself, is covered with shrouds
Or maybe it stands in front of me and its just something I misunderstand
Her name etched in beautifully upon the brass bullets side
My now resides next to her in deaths notebook

She is with me and everything is so beautiful
The roses forever red, and violets everlasting blue
She is my lover for now until the bright again turns dark
We walk together in this world, I know its hard to construe

please comment, first free verse one ive done in a long time